Cross Dressing at Immaculate Heart
by SiSoHe Inc
Summary: Does not the title say it all? Oh wait, we forgot to mention the elf. We're rating this story R, but merely as a precaution.
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimer: We do not own The Lord of the Rings. Unfortunately, we do not own Legolas either. We do, however, own all his clones. They are very nice clones. Oh, and we don't own any copyrighted name or phrase or thing that we have forgotten to mention.  
  
Chapter 1  
  
Dragged Along  
  
or  
  
Dance Through the Time Warp  
  
Gandalf turned to face the Balrog and did his light show gig. As the others took cover, Legolas noticed the tentacle of light (get those minds out of the gutter) coming back up as the Balrog fell. He was almost to Gandalf, shouting a warning all the way, when it knocked Gandalf into the crevice. Legolas leaped and caught hold of Gandalf's wrist. Unfortunately, another quake erupted and the ledge broke sending both Gandalf and Legolas down into shadow.  
  
They fell and fell and fell. It was completely dark. Legolas' last conscious thought was, *Me and my heroics. Now I won't get to kill any more orcs.* Gandalf's last conscious thought was…hmm…no one really knows what goes through the mind of a wizard.  
  
End Chapter  
  
  
  
A/N: All right so it's short, and not that humorous. Not to worry, it will get funnier, and longer as time goes on. In the mean time, as this is our first fanfiction, as a group effort, we request…excuse me, demand two reviews before we post another chapter. 


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: We sadly do not own Legolas. The premise of the story is ours. However, we have no claim on the song by neither Greenday nor Mr. Manion. They are both real. They actually exist. We would like to claim Billy Joe, but alas we can not. His wife already owns him. Darn. Depression strikes, so on with the story. That will amuse us. Oh yeah, we don't own the Dude song either. Who wrote that anyway?  
Pretty Pink Bow or "King for a Day" or "Dude Looks Like a Lady"  
"Are you all right?" It was Gandalf.  
  
"I JUST FELL DOWN A BOTTOMLESS CHASM. DOES THAT STRIKE YOU AS ALL RIGHT??!!!"  
  
"You're fine," Gandalf said in reply to Legolas' hysterical outburst.  
  
Legolas looked around. "Where are we, then?"  
  
"We must have fallen through a space-time continuum portal."  
  
"Huh?" *Great. I'm what? Two thousand years old and that's the best I can come up with. - insert elfish curse words here - (a/n: this will employed frequently, and if elfish is not a word then it's elvin. Elvin, elvin, elvin.)*  
  
"I don't know." *Even better.*  
  
- Insert elfish curse words here -  
  
"And we better keep silent until we identify the language."  
  
"Good thinking."  
  
"Good morning. Are you here to inquire about the new teaching position?" Gandalf and Legolas whirled around to see a white-haired man. (a/n: since both of us enjoy passing economics no further descriptions of this person will be utilized)  
  
"But it is the afternoon." Legolas unthinkingly replied.  
  
The man blinked, stared, and said, "Your point?" Turning to Gandalf he repeated his question.  
  
"Er.yes," Gandalf cautiously answered.  
  
"Good. Follow me, we will have to use the chemistry room. My name is Michael Manion by the way." They had reached the room by then. "And you are.?"  
  
"Dolf," Gandalf said. Searching the room, his gaze fell upon the big periodic table plastered on the wall. "Argon Dolf. And this is my." Gandalf turned to present Legolas and did a double take, ".daughter." he looked at the wall again, ".Agnes." A small snort of disbelief issued from Legolas' direction.  
  
"Do you wish to enroll her at Immaculate Heart High School?"  
  
"If it is possible, yes." Full blown choking sounds echoed throughout the room as 'Agnes' turned scarlet.  
  
Legolas finally recovered about five minutes later and started to object emphatically. Gandalf paused his discussion long enough to glare a warning at the indignant elf. The prince (no reference to Machiavelli), reluctantly backed down.  
  
After that Gandalf and Mr. Manion proceeded to go into details and Legolas was bored. And angry. Very angry. What was that wizard thinking?!? He was not a girl. And he was most certainly NOT the wizard's daughter! 


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: We do not own Lord of the Rings. If we did, we would be a hell of a lot richer and Legolas would be our love slave. (This is made possible by timeshare - alternate weekends and holidays and the like.) Moving on, we do not own the chemistry and do not particularly care to. We do not own Faiza, for which she is eternally grateful. (No fun.) These people exist. They are real. They are not figments of our imagination, or at least not ones we are conscious of. I mean, who would want to imagine our chemistry teacher? Furthermore, no Legolas' were harmed in the writing of this fan fiction.  
Chapter 3  
  
Period 1: Chemistry  
  
or  
  
"Light My Fire"  
  
or  
  
Organic Chemistry  
  
Legolas looked through the paper that the lady gave him. Chemistry, he thought, Where's room SB2? Once he finally located the room, after the bell rang, he entered to see a room full of human girls peering at him. The teacher told him to take a seat next to Corrie and Jennifer. "Please raise your hands," the teacher requested. Two girls, one with an evil grin, the other an evil smirk, looked back at him -cough- her.  
  
The one on the left had black hair and brown, almost black eyes. She was the one grinning. The one on the right seemed to be taller. She had dark blonde hair and hazel eyes. This one smirked. Legolas started to feel uneasy. If they had both smirked, or both grinned evilly, he might have endured. But only one smirked, the other grinned - as if one evil mischief did not succeed you would immediately be slapped by another, different but no less evil scheme. It made for a bleak fifty minutes.  
  
"Today we will be doing a combustion lab. Agnes, please work with your table." Both girls gave him the type of grin that cats give when confronted by a canary. Legolas took it back, these malevolent smiles were worse, these were like a portend of inescapable doom.  
  
Legolas gulped audibly and prayed for reprieve, none came.  
  
"Hi," Corrie said.  
  
"You are new here," finished Jennifer, stating the obvious.  
  
"This should be fun," murmured Corrie. She went on with frightening perkiness, "Now to do the combustion lab!" They both gestured wildly at the teacher.  
  
"Do you need help?" he asked them.  
  
"No, we need a match!" they cried.  
  
"NO. I heard what happened to your last teacher."  
  
"What ever do you mean?" Both replied with angelic looks on their faces. You could almost see the halos over their heads.  
  
Legolas took the opportunity to ask, "Do I have to work with them?"  
  
"Sorry, normally I would never put anyone with them, but all the groups are full. Besides, that's what you get for being late."  
  
Faiza, a girl well versed in the ways of the evil pair then yelled from the safety of her own group, "No one deserves that. It's cruel and unusual punishment." Turning to Legolas she added, "Good luck. You'll need it.".  
  
"Hey!" Jenny exclaimed, "We never set you alight."  
  
"Yeah," Corrie said, "We only accidentally hit you with the tongs once.okmaybetwice, but STILL!!"  
  
Ten minutes later, the teacher went around lighting the Bunsen burners for the experiment. "I get to hold the flame!" Corrie exclaimed.  
  
"You held it last time," Jennifer argued.  
  
"So," Corrie answered.  
  
"Why don't we let Agnes hold it?" Jennifer queried, her evil grin widening.  
  
"Great idea," Corrie said, her smirk growing more evil by the second. "Here," said Corrie, handing 'Agnes' the flame.  
  
At the last minute, Corrie 'accidentally' dropped the Bunsen burner subsequently setting Agnes' arm alight. Jennifer grabbed and threw a clear chemical on the blaze. The fire spread faster. "Oops. I thought that was water."  
  
Corrie grabbed the extinguisher and put out the fire. "Corrie! Jennifer! Detention and a five-hundred word essay on lab safety - EACH!" the teacher bellowed.  
  
"What?"  
  
"Why?"  
  
"She's fine!"  
  
"We put it out."  
  
"It can't be more than a first degree burn."  
  
"She was only on fire for a few seconds!"  
  
"Fine," he sighed, "No detention, but you both still have to do the essay."  
  
The rest of the experiment went by uneventfully, despite Corrie's and Jennifer's cheering when the combustion took place.  
  
"Agnes," the teacher called, "Meet me after school. I need to catch you up on organic chemistry." He then started to leer at our disguised hero/heroine.  
  
Finally, Legolas was able to leave chemistry, the two weird girls, and their even weirder teacher behind. 


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: If you recognize them we don't know them. If you don't recognize them, most of the time we still don't own them. . . .We own ourselves. . .or at least one of us does, according to California law. We don't own Danielle either. We also own the voices in our heads. . .of course they never acknowledge that. . .Moving on. . .  
  
Chapter 4 Period 2: Chorus  
  
or  
  
"Sing Out Loud, Sing Out Strong"  
  
or  
  
"Drivin' a Truck, Drivin' a Big Old Truck." (don't ask, if you don't know the song, don't ask)  
Singing he thought to himself, all elves love singing. This should be fun. Of course he forgot one minor detail, males, no matter what species, sing lower than women do. He arrived and took a seat next to a dark haired young lady. The teacher, who introduced herself as Mrs. McGrath, asked them to sing a pitch. She cued the piano and they all sang. The dark-haired lady turned to him and said, "you're off-pitch." The teacher asked a few girls, himself included, to come up to the piano. She played G-3 (a low note) and asked them to sing accordingly. 'Agnes' could sing the note, nobody else followed suit. He immediately began to panic; obviously women did not sing that low.  
  
Before he could die from embarrassment or confess his deceit, the teacher spoke, "Wow! That was impressive. It has been a long, long time since I taught a female bass." She began to chatter excitedly, "Oh we can have so many new songs with a bass. You can have all the male solos in our songs. This is so exciting." After that, he began to ignore her. She allowed him to return to his seat and returned to rustling her papers.  
  
The girl that told him that he was off-pitch introduced herself, "Hello I am Danielle. What kind of music do you like?" Since he had no idea what kind of music was played here, he decided to answer, "any kind." BIG MISTAKE. She immediately launched into a discussion on Billy Idol's music. He continued to nod occasionally. After a while, he realized that she was asking him a question. "Well, did you meet them?" she asked. He decided that since nodding had been so effective, he would continue the trend. "You must be in their Chemistry class. I'll pray for you" she told him. He immediately knew whom she was talking about.  
  
"They set my sleeve on fire."  
  
"That's truly impressive. They got you on your first day. That must be a record." Changing the subject, she asked, "Why don't you sit with my friends and me at lunch?"  
  
She gave him a secretive smile and waited for his response. He hesitantly answered yes. She told him where they would be sitting and waved goodbye as the bell rang. Chorus was over for the day. 


End file.
